Why I Don’t Hate Christmas Anymore

Dec 19, 2019 | Faith, Life, Parenting

A few years ago the Ricki Lake Show called me. I thought I made it big as a blogger but turns out I didn’t hate Christmas enough to make it big. They were doing a show on hating Christmas and my blog caught their eye.

I reposted the Why I Hate Christmas blog this week. It’s still relevant, but seven years later I don’t have the same feelings I did then.

  • Perhaps it’s because I’m not buying random “stuff” anymore. My Bigs send me links to gifts they really want or can use.
  • Perhaps it’s because we’re less busy. I don’t have multiple Christmas parties to buy for and holiday programs to sit through (I’m the mom who really never liked them).
  • Perhaps we’ve mellowed at the commercialism of the holiday.
  • Perhaps because two young adults I used to teach died this year. Things have a way of bringing perspective.

But I know the real reason.

It’s because all I really care about is seeing my kids, even though we may only have one day or evening where we will all be together. The college college kids will be home for a handful of days, along with the Marrieds and the Missionary Girl. . We”ll all be together, just hanging out. For at least a few nights, all of the beds will be full again. And that’s the only gift I want.

A shift has  is happening during this season of fledging my kids. My priorities and expectations are changing. Raising kids to fly from the nest means they follow God’s dreams, not mine. It means I step back so they can fly, even if it takes them far away.

On Christmas Day, 2008, my oldest was 17 and went on a mission trip to a Mexican orphanage. The experience gave her a heart for orphans and vulnerable children. While in college, she spent several months at an orphanage in Guatemala, which changed her forever. She’s now a full time missionary in Monterrey, Mexico, where she is serving orphans with Back2Back ministries.

Mexico is her home now. And it’s where she’s supposed to be. She has fledged far and strong, and I’ve grown to accept it. She’s healthy and happy, and that means a lot.

In the busyness of holidays and another school year, it’s easy to lose the perspective that raising kids is for a lifetime, not just for the high school experience. The goal isn’t the latest gadget or to be homecoming queen. It’s to be a healthy adult.

A lot of parents of college age and young adult children have been and are walking rough roads with their kids. Their kids may or may not be home for Christmas because of toxic relationships, addiction, mental health complications, or because of estranged relationships. Some will be home this Christmas but have walked away from the faith.

Not all kids who fledge reach their destination right away. For many, the process is long and hard.

This Christmas, my gift will not only be seeing my kids together, but seeing each of them at healthy places. I don’t take that status for granted. And I don’t assume it’s always going to be that way.

Raising and releasing kids is the hardest job I’ve ever done. There have been moments where I didn’t know if we’d make it. Perhaps you’ve had moments like that, or are living that moment this Christmas. 

Fledging is a multilayered process of letting go, holding on, changing priorities and expectations of our relationships with our kids so that they find their way in life in the healthiest way possible. It doesn’t happen at one moment in time. And it means some holidays aren’t Instagram moments.

So this Christmas, I’ll be the awkward mom gawking at the gifts in front of me. They all are walking with Jesus. They love each other. Their dad and I are still together. We have made it through 2019 without a catastrophic event in our family’s life.

These are all gifts. You have these gifts, too. If you’ve had things for which to be thankful in 2019, consider these the greatest gifts.

That’s why I don’t hate Christmas anymore. The greatest gifts can’t be bought. They are the people we love the most.

I hope you grab the gift in front of you this holiday. And if you’re in the season of raising, releasing, or a new empty-nester, get a copy of Fledge: Launching Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind and also join our Facebook group, the Fledge Parent Facebook Forum. 

This “letting go and letting God” thing is not for wimps. But when we do, our hands are open for God’s greatest treasures.

Him, people, and the day we have in front of us.



Simple Secrets For A Compelling Life

Do you feel trapped in a chaotic, relentless, demanding lifestyle? No matter where you live or what season of life you’re in, you can find inspiration from the simpler life. 


  1. MJ


    This was such a good read and right on time. My babies are 38, 36, 29, and 26 and all out of state. I don’t expect to see any of them for Christmas, but I have a friend (now my relocation Realtor) who has almost the same scenario that you’ve described–currently down to the ONE of her six who is a high school senior and the last at home. She is homecoming queen, class president, and interested in flying the coup to another state altogether after graduation in 6 months. My friend and her husband are smack dab in the middle of trying to decide what to do with a huge, 4-level home, now that they’re downsizing–in fact their lives and careers in general! Thank you for your diligence in being transparent to share your heart with us. I have forwarded this blog to Google+ for them.

    I am also applying your advice from the Maranatha Writer’s Conference in September. I review my notes often and will be completing MY first blog today. Thank you for your counsel to me at the time (doing it afraid)!

    Merry Christmas!
    MJ Smith

    • Brenda L. Yoder


      Thank you so much for this note and also word of encouragement from Maranatha. What a span you had of releasing, so you know what this feels like. Thank you for sharing and for your words of encouragement. And congratulations to YOU for implementing your writing dreams!

      • MJ Smith

        Thank you! Please visit mjeanettesmith.com A Bridge Between: Making Heaven Your Home when you’re free. Any of your thoughts would be appreciated!

  2. Justine

    LOVED reading this…although I have only little littles at home, I appreciate the simplicity and genuine love your blog offers especially at this time of year. It is a breath of fresh air to not see a blog about the wonders and amusements of commercialism; we appreciate and encourage simpler times and the focus on the real reason for the season. And, one day when my children are older, I can only aspire to be such an encouraging and loving woman of faith as my children fledge! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    • Brenda L. Yoder

      Justine,This brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes a person wonders if what they’re writing is anything in a world of a lot of noise. This was a great encouragement today. Thank you – and enjoy your littles this holiday!

  3. Pam

    Thanks for sharing this because I truly have got to the moment where I dislike the holidays this has open my eyes a great deal

    • Brenda L. Yoder

      That you Pam! That means so much! Sometimes we overlook the goodness that’s right before us!

  4. Lisa Anne Tindal

    Love this. My son is a junior in college and has been studying abroad since Sept. My daughter, a teacher is happily married. It is truly an adjustment, an almost heartbreaking letting go like losing a physical ability to do something ALwAYs instead of just when they ask.

    I’d love your critique of a chapter I wrote in a Mother’s Anthology called ” I Heart Mom”. My chapter is called “Leaving Loved”. The book is on
    Amazon; but, I’d like to send a copy to you.

    I welcome both constructive criticism and encouragement as I feel God has a calling on my life to write.

    Merry Christmas!

  5. Denise Knepp

    Brenda, you have an amazing gift of relating to us! Thank you for expressing your feelings so openly and accurately and sharing your circumstances so that we can relate and understand ourselves and our circumstance better. You truly bless me!

    • Brenda L. Yoder

      Thank you Denise. Those are beautiful words of encouragement!

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