By Contributing Author, Kristin L. Nelson of Not Alone Mom.Not Alone Mom

“If you can’t say anything nice – don’t say anything at all.”  You’ve heard the saying time and again. We use it to teach our children about the value of holding their tongue and being the bigger person.  When did we as mothers stop listening to our own advice?

Shortly after becoming a mother for the first time and realizing how challenging it can be, I made a vow never to judge another mother, even if they were just quiet questions in my own mind.  I even made mental notes of the mothers I made accidental judgments on pre-baby, and quietly prayed they would forgive me realizing I had no clue what they were actually dealing with.  How could I? I wasn’t a mother at the time.

But something I just can’t wrap my brain around is a mother who makes judgments toward other mothers?  How it is possible for a mother who is dealing with struggles of her own to look down upon a mother she observes who is simply dealing with her own unique challenges?  It’s mind boggling to me.  Are there some out there who truly feel they are “super moms” able to rise above every situation and follow all the parenting books to a tee?

There is no such thing as a“super mom” just like there is no such thing as a “perfect person”. 

We all struggle with “stuff.”  We are all learning and growing as people and as mothers.  God has mercy on us and we should have mercy on each other as we strive to do the best job we know how to do.

What we really need is support, love and compassion.

What we really need is for the motherhood community to rise up, join together and speak blessings into each other’s lives; praying for one another as we all strive to be the best moms we can be.

Circle of friendsedited

So what if my daughter and son both slept on their bellies as babies – they slept better (and in general)!  So what if my daughter was given a bottle before bed until she was 18 months old?  It soothed her and was part of a critical routine I worked so hard to create.  I struggled as a new mom to figure out how to transition her from this “tried and true” sleeping agent without compromising her ability to sleep the whole night through.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize I still seem to struggle with my first child and each of her transitions.   Maybe it’s because I have never experienced it before and the “tips” relayed in articles and books can be difficult to implement in ways that are accepted by each individual child (and each individual mom).

The bottom line – I do the best I can!  And at the end of the day my children are loved, safe and thriving.

Let’s join together as a community of mothers who strive to raise each other up and edify one another in Christ…It’s time we rise above the tendency to look down on a mom who is struggling and join together in love, offering encouragement, and simple reminders that “you can do it”!  Just as with our children, positive reinforcement can go a long way for a mama who is doing the best she can.

Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. Titus 2:4-5

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