Mom Fear, Grit, and How to Stop Whining

Jul 15, 2020 | Faith, Parenting

Mom fear is a term I labeled in a recent broadcast in the Fledge Parent Facebook Forum. The enemy of God doesn’t want us talking about it. The video was accidentally deleted after it went live, and my phone overheated as I tried to record a recap. (Here’s the short version!)

Moms are scared.

A few weeks ago, moms were afraid of kids being out of school too long. Now as school is starting, they’re afraid of kids going to school. Sound familiar?

  • You’re afraid of your kids wearing masks, or not wearing masks.
  • You’re afraid of them not being with friends, yet you’re afraid of who they’re with.
  • You’re scared of what they’re missing, yet you’re afraid of things not being normal.
  • You’re fearful for your teens and young adults. You’re micromanaging their lives, telling them what to do or not do not because you’re simply scared.

Mom fear has you in it’s grip. And you need to let go of it and grab mom-Grit instead.

Mom Grit

Angela Duckworth talks about grit, something that’s needed to persevere and get through hard things.

I remember my mom, a 2nd grade teacher, talking about of one of her students who got herself and her sister up for school and on the bus each morning at age 8. Their mom was usually passed out from a drug binge the night before. These kids, and others like them, have grit to get done what needs to get done each day for their safety and survival.

Perhaps you, too, had grit as a child to get through hard things. Bullying. Sexual abuse. A learning disability. An alcoholic parent. A parent who died.

You need to tap into that grit again rather than be paralyzed in fear about the challenges facing you– a new school year, unknown outcomes, and the pandemic. Your kids need to hear, “We’ll get through this” with grit, determination, and an upwards countenance.

Because you and your kids will be okay. 


The Resiliency of Kids

I’ve had the privilege to teach and train with the Why Try resiliency program, helping kids learn how to be resilient. Founder Christian Moore’s story of how he graduated from college without parent support and 6th grade reading level is incredible. He has been helping kids know they have what it takes to overcome almost any obstacle.

Your kids probably don’t have the challenges Christian Moore or other kids may have. Your love, a stable home, and grounded values provides a foundation that already helps your child learn and grow.

A lot of you are fearful about the upcoming school year. But kids need to know they can overcome the obstacles of the coming school year, whether it’s online, in person, in person with masks, without masks, or learning at home.

Nothing this coming school year will be normal. I’m with you. I’m joining a public school staff again this year. My colleagues and school kids will all be wearing masks and shields. But we’ll make it. And so will you.

Let’s Talk Privilege

Privilege is what separates parents who fear whether their kids will eat or be safe each day, and whether or not their kids will have the best that is available to them. I was reminded of this contrast watching Freedom Writers last week.

I was also reminded of a question a 6th grade student of color asked me a few years ago, He asked, “Mrs. Yoder, how did you live to be an adult?” He lived in a neighborhood filled with violence. My sons never had those questions. That’s privilege.

Moms, you and your kids will get through this pandemic. I think of moms and kids before us who went to school during the Cold War, World War II, the Great Depression, on the prairie frontier. Academic learning happened in adverse circumstances. They developed emotional and cognitive muscles from the challenges.

They acquired grit.

The Christian and Fear

“There is not fear in love. but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” I John 4:18, ESV

The pandemic has paralyzed every aspect of life. If you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, you don’t need to submit to fear.

1 John 4:18 was life changing to me when fear gripped me over something that could have been catastrophic. I clung to the truth that God’s perfect loves drives away fear. I stood on that promise, waking up every day reciting it, believing it. I allowed God’s love to fill me. I trusted Him for outcomes over which I had no control.

The enemy of God wants to steal all your energy by fearing COVID 19, death, and what’s not normal right now.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10, ESV

Friend, you don’t need to fear death if you have accepted Jesus as your Savior. You don’t need to fear the unknown. You don’t need to fear the plethora of “what if’s” that ruminate in your mind.

Jesus came to give you an abundant life, even in the midst of COVID. But an abundant life is not an easy life.

Grit and Jesus

If you’ve been wearing the Christian t-shirts saying how blessed you are, it’s time to live it out. Being blessed isn’t having what you want, with Instagrammy goodness that never ends.

God’s blessing means God equips you to overcome adversity, saying,

  • I don’t know how this is going to be, but with Christ, we will get through it.
  • We have to figure out how to live wisely with the virus, but not live in fear.”
  • I know we’re disappointed about school not being normal. But Jesus is with us every day. He will help us make adjustments. Let’s ask him for what we need!”

I urge you to dive into the Bible, learning how people in Scripture lived through adversity. Read about Esther, Naomi, Hannah, and others. God provided for them at every turn. God will provide for you.

Shining Instead of Whining

“Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.” Philippians 4:14-16, NIV

Friends, read the passage above.

  • Could it be that God is calling us as Christ followers to shine like the stars in today’s generation?
  • Could it be that our complaining and whining right now are right where the enemy wants us?

We are living in a warped and crooked generation.

  • What if we were satisfied and equipped with how God was providing for our families during these times.
  • What if we grabbed the grit He gave us, took the lead in our families, communities, and filled in the gaps of leadership that’s missing from our culture
  • What if we started shining rather than whining because we know Christ will do in us what we can’t do ourselves?
  • What if we let Him control the outcomes for our children’s lives this year, rather than be wrought with worry?

What if the most prominent statement in our households was, “Jesus, the Good Shepherd, is leading us. We’re going to get through this.”

Will you join me us grabbing grit over fear, whether it’s at work, home, school, or on social media? Let’s shine like the starts in this crooked and perverse generation!

Suggested Resources for Parents:

Fledge: Launching Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind — a great resource for learning to give up control of your kids, learning how to “Don’t Steal the Struggle” and other parenting tips for adversity.

Grumble Free Year by Tricia Goyer

Brave Moms Brave Kids and Counter Cultural Parenting by Lee Nienhuis




Simple Secrets For A Compelling Life

Do you feel trapped in a chaotic, relentless, demanding lifestyle? No matter where you live or what season of life you’re in, you can find inspiration from the simpler life. 


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